Vodacom Bulls player Nizaam Carr reflects on the passing of his friend and former teammate Cornal Hendricks, in his own words.
Thursday was a really, really tough day. I was sleeping when I got the call, my phone was on charge and in another room.
My wife woke me up. There were several missed calls. One from Embrose (Papier), then Sydney Tobias, then Juan de Jongh. Then Aisha got called by a friend of ours and she told me: Cornal had died. I couldn’t believe it, I was like, what, what?
We were all in shock, I couldn't believe what was happening. I couldn't sleep for like three or four hours after that. I was just lying in bed, looking up at the ceiling. Even now, it is unreal.
On Thursday morning, seeing everyone, you're on your own. When I was driving to work at Loftus, I was just trying to hold back the emotions, thinking about all the good memories we had. But then you see another player and another. I don't know how many players are currently at the Bulls or how many I saw, but it's basically one to 60. And then you just... you start crying without saying anything to each other. There were a few like that, and some boys just couldn't talk. They're really lost for words.
I saw Willie le Roux - Willie started with Cornal at Boland - it was tough. So we just hugged each other. We just showed we were there for each other because we both walked a long journey with him.
Something I've learned from losing my father over three years ago, is that death doesn't choose its time. I believe, if you've got a commitment, you have to carry on doing that. So my way of grieving is also going through the process and keeping busy. I did some running and jumps, because if I stopped, I’ll start to feel those emotions come over me again.
The same thought went through my mind. This can’t be real. I spoke to my wife, and she had just gotten off the phone with Cornal’s wife. She was crying, crying for something like 10 minutes on the phone. She didn’t get one word out. She said I was just trying to be there for her as well. And just trying to tell her to stay strong. It's going to be okay. Don't worry. And I think reality also hit her because our kids are the same age.
So for Aisha, my wife, it also felt very close to home. It was a big eye-opener for her. And she just said to me that she appreciates me going out every day and fighting for us.
NEVER A DULL DAY
There was never a dull day with Cornal around. I think every person - if there were 20 people in the room, he would have all of them laughing - either singing, dancing, or entertaining us in some way.
So that's why I said there was never a dull moment. And everywhere we went, when times were tough, he was always the one to step up and show us that he's got our back. He played with his heart on his sleeve, and he always dug deep and fought for us.
And with all these, the jokes and the stuff that he would entertain us with, deep down, we knew that he cared so much about us. That was his character. He just wanted us to smile and be happy.
We were just saying to the boys today, he must be so tired at night going to bed, because he's always trying to make us laugh, trying to make us happy. He's given so much to us. He's a real unit, he's a real machine, and he's a giant of a man.
We are mourning, we're sad, and condolences to his family, but what a great human being, and even a great rugby player. A lot of people found a lot of happiness in the way he performed, but off the field, he was just a genuine gem. Somebody you can call at two or three in the morning, and he will turn up to your front door, or wherever you might be in trouble, or whatever the case may be.
ALWAYS CHALLENGED YOU
He's the one who will stand with you, even if you had a fight with him yesterday. And myself and Corny, he always challenged you. It was never just, you know, you must be happy with that thing. He always found something within you. He knew what made you tick, and he wanted you to excel and give more, and do more. And just by looking at him, it inspired you, the way he brought energy, the way he brought the physicality, and even with those skinny legs, he really brought it, you know.
He fought, he really fought. Sometimes we made fun of him, he had a dad bod when he got his kids. But, you know, he's a person I'll definitely take with me to battle. I know he will have our backs 135 per cent.
I had played against him since 2010, but first met him in 2014. There was one time he handed me off, I think the first time we played each other, and I think it was my first or second game playing for WP or the Stormers. And he said to me, “Hey, hey lighty, now you know who's the real big dog. And I'm coming at you, and I'm coming at you all day, you know.”
That's the one thing that I remember about him. I thought - Who is this guy? He wants to bump me or run over me. He wants to dominate me. But when I got to know him, what a beautiful soul.
My faith is big to me and I know it's big to Cornal as well. The very first time he invited me and my family over and his kids and my kids, because they’re the same age, they always play together. But the thing that stood out for me was the fact that he catered for us. And being a Muslim guy, everything was Halal.
GREAT CHARACTER
He even made sure there was a place for me to pray. There was a mat - or it could have been a carpet - but he made the effort. That's the one thing that, you know, showed me character that regardless of rugby, that was the most important thing for me, that he wanted to make me comfortable with my family.
That's the thing that I will really cherish. It just shows or speaks volume of his character that he wants everybody to be comfortable and he wants everyone to smile and be happy, but he never put himself first. And it was always like that.
There are loads of stories, but that was a big thing for me and my family. Since then, we were there almost every weekend. But I had to bring my own meat because he said he can’t buy me meat the whole time.
People may wonder if he should have played after his heart condition was diagnosed. But he would always have found a way. If he had to, he could fill out those forms for the doctors and write his own things in there and maybe lie a little bit just to be with the boys and play rugby. That is the person he was. He played with love and effort.
MEMORIES ARE ALL WE HAVE
I remember him telling me that memories are all we have. And that is all he played for, the memories that we'll cherish forever. I don’t know too much about his condition, but if a doctor told me to slow down or retire, I would have probably retired and thought about my family. Not that he didn’t, but he had that belief in God that God is going to pull through for him.
So that for me was amazing.
One time, he just walked off the training field because he felt a little bit fatigued. And the entire team surrounded him to check if he was ok. That’s the hold he had on all of us. Everybody treated him well because he was that type of person. And his rugby speaks volumes. The way the guy performed after seeing something that happened to him like that. Normally, you lose your fitness, you lose your form. But Cornal hit the ground running as if he had played a match yesterday. And he never seemed tired.
He never seemed like there were any medical issues. He was 100 per cent. And just a guy that gave his all. Cornal left us too soon and that is a massive tragedy not only for me, but for the whole rugby world. We’re going to miss him.
© Nizaam Carr