It may be easy to think of Springbok prop Frans Malherbe as the anchor of the Bok setpiece.
But it was probably his Director of Rugby Rassie Erasmus, who succinctly summed up the beauty of seeing someone like Malherbe do his thing on the field.
“In my eyes, seeing the fatties dominate a scrum is just as beautiful as watching Cheslin Kolbe or Finn Russell,” Erasmus wrote in a recent column in the Daily Mail.
And who are we to disagree?
Because there was a time when players returned from the Covid-enforced break in rugby that a picture of Malherbe went viral, and prompted comparisons with the spaghetti-western slapstick comedy of one Bud Spencer.
Those who will remember those 1980s comedies will remember that Spencer had a penchant for eating, and slapping people around. He wasn’t someone who should be crossed in any way.
Bud Spencer's motto was always the Neapolitan slang term "futtetenne" ("the hell with it"). Even if life is a battle, the most important thing is to believe in yourself, and not to give up.
BUD SPENCER
And while it may have been the Xhosa commentary team that has named him after Spencer, there are certainly similarities.
"Bud Spencer took the beard and the size, and was also the enforcer. He hardly smiled, and if you see Frans at scrum time, there is no time to smile. So that’s why we co-opted the name Bud Spencer for him,” Kaya Malotana said in a recent SuperSport clip of players' nicknames.
Funnily enough, though, Malherbe may have started his return after the World Cup being talked about for carrying a bit of extra weight, but there is nobody that talks about him that way now.
In a way, he epitomises the old cliche of letting his work do the talking on the field.
Strong and silent, the rock of the scrum, there are few sides in World Rugby that wouldn’t jump at the chance of having him pack down for them.
That’s why as he reaches the milestone of 50 test caps this weekend, his celebrations are likely to be muted. Malherbe isn’t normally a man of many words. He simply knows he has to get onto the field and do a job and he focuses on that.
Quiet, unassuming and humble. Malherbe is a throwback to the tighthead props of old.
It wasn’t surprising that at least one New Zealand scribe - in singing Malherbe’s praises - this past weekend referred to him as a player that New Zealand would “never pick” because of his lack of athleticism.
While that may sound strange, the writer was making a point that rugby had gone too far in ignoring the burlier sort of players in order to get athletes that could scrum.
LET THE MAIN THING BE THE MAIN THING
Malherbe is the opposite. With him, it is like the Boks mantra - let the main thing be the main thing.
Malherbe is a scrummager. He is a rock. An immovable object and a player who might not seem to contribute too much to the spectacle of the game, but no team would do without going into battle with.
As he said in a recent article in the UK publication Rugby World, the main thing still has to be the main thing.
“Well, if a prop plays well in the loose and he can’t scrum, I don’t think he’ll get picked,” Malherbe shared his wisdom.
“That’s the first and most important thing, in my opinion. Obviously, you’re going to get scrums where you will not be dominant and we’re not going forward and the other pack wins. That’s gonna happen. But I mean, the emphasis must be on your first job, your job that’s specifically for you.”
The main thing needs to be the main thing. And Malherbe does the main thing bloody well.
Some may even argue he is the most valuable player in the Springbok team. While those arguments will never be won, one thing is certain. The value that Malherbe adds - not only in the scrums - is the value that the Boks need right at this moment.
DARK ARTS
Anyone who has spent time in the cauldron that is the front row will know that most scrums go nowhere. In fact, there are parts of the world where they are simply seen as a reset.
And most props know the horror of being done in by technique, by a refs call and by a slippery pitch, or countless other things that could swing the contest against you.
They carry these nightmares with them and they obsess. Those who find the light in the darkness adapt, get better and become consistent. Malherbe is a no-nonsense prop. He has had his share of nightmares in the scrums, although few will remember them. Nowadays he is more akin to giving those out, to making players remember his name.
You see, Malherbe and “flashy rugby” go together as easily as toothpaste and orange juice. They just don’t mix.
But if you want flash, there are players for that.
Still, don’t let it underestimate his influence on a game. As most experts who have watched him agree, there is a lot bubbling under the surface when it comes to Malherbe.
SOMETHING SPECIAL
Jacques Hanekom, who for years recruited Western Province’s juniors, remembers Malherbe well from the dream Craven Week team of 2009 - where he played alongside Springboks Steven Kitshoff, Eben Etzebeth and Nizaam Carr.
“I remember seeing him in the Craven Week trials, and he was scrumming against Marcell van der Merwe (who also went on to become a Springbok). I immediately asked who that was, because he had something. You could see it then, there was something special,” Hanekom remembers.
“He came through with guys like Scarra (Ntubeni), Siya (Kolisi), Eben and Nizaam, it was a special group of players.”
Hanekom points out that the surprising thing about Malherbe for many people was not his scrumming, which was taken as a given, but his leadership qualities.
“Few people realise what a leader he is in the team - he was always the spokesperson for that group of players, and they had some strong leadership figures there,” Hanekom adds and points out Malherbe does so much more on a rugby field than scrum.
“We all knew he could scrum, but in the under-19 competition, he and Eben had the most contributions - tackles, cleans etc - out of all the players. It was unbelievably high for a front-row player. Right there and then we offered him a five-year contract, and luckily that group of players stayed for a long time.”
WORKRATE ON ANOTHER LEVEL
It is a sentiment echoed by SuperSport commentator and former Bok prop Robbi Kempson, who points to Malherbe’s work-rate as well.
Few people also know that Malherbe captained the Bok defence, organising it in the absence of Duane Vermeulen last weekend against the All Blacks.
“You have to go look at his work rate, the amount of rucks he cleans, the amount of tackles he makes. He and Etzebeth especially don’t always get the credit for what they do. He has an incredible work-rate and is the world’s top scrummager, there is no doubt about that,” Kempson said.
“He is also the cornerstone of the rolling maul as well - he has an immense work rate that people don’t see. The stuff we do see, like the scrumming, is just next level.”
And Kempson laughs when people talk about Malherbe’s weight.
“There are no such things as fatty props,” Kempson jokes, “there are powerful props. No prop has ever been fat, they’ve been powerful.”
HERO INSIDE THE BOK SQUAD
But Malherbe is no unsung hero inside the Bok squad. Coach Jacques Nienaber makes no bones about it - the Boks need him.
“I suppose people are right in labelling him an unsung hero. He's definitely not one in our environment because we value him so much," said Nienaber.
"I've been fortunate enough to coach him since he was at the Western Province's academy and it's a privilege to see a milestone game like this.
"We understand what he contributes. He's a big hero."
Nienaber went further, underlining the contributions that put the Boks on the front foot in games when they need it most.
"If we go and count all the points kicked over due to Frans' scrum work - even though he himself has scored only one try, five points are behind his name - you will come out with a lot of points accounted for by him," said the Bok mentor.
"If you also count all the penalties he has won at scrum time in our half where we can then kick the ball up-field and get to walk 40-50m into the opponent’s half, he has carried our team on many occasions."
HUNTER-GATHERER OF SCRUM SCALPS
The last word goes to his provincial coach John Dobson, who believes Malherbe is the “ultimate team man”.
“In my mind, Frans and Kitsie are the ultimate Stormers. Them and Scarra are in that golden generation of the 2010 under-19 group with Eben and Siya. They are just so dedicated to the franchise that they wanted to win something here.
“They were really invested in the union and region. Frans is incredible, his level of investment and commitment to the team cannot be measured or underestimated.
“Frans is different in that he is very much his own man - in the nicest way - and puts everything out on the field. He has an amazing presence, his smile and enthusiasm, he is so down to earth.
“I’m convinced he is blissfully unaware that he is the world’s best tighthead prop and he is completely unaffected by it. He is just a down-to-earth guy who wants to play some rugby. It is one of his most redeeming features. He will do anything for the team.”
To his teammates though, he is just “Franna” and outside rugby, you won’t find a bigger hunter in the team environment.
“We tease him a lot, because every gap, or off-week, he is off hunting,” Dobson laughs, “He is instrumental in keeping the kudu plague in the northern Cape under control. He makes sure the veld can restore itself before the kudus eat it.”
On Saturday though, Malherbe is likely to be hunting again. And this time it won’t be kudus but the scalp of an All Black pack he so desperately wants.